Mindbloggling!

2004-04-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

Wow. Haven't written on this baby in a long time. And the last entry was BORING! sheesh!

Read some others blog sites...also rated boring...so, I am not too embarrassed. Though, I probably should be. ;)

2003-07-11T10:20:00.000-07:00

Opportunity Knocks

Well ~ my doc. appt. went well yesterday. Plan of attack: 1st do a quick check for ulcer - 2nd check for residual gall stones in a tube causing my pancreas some trouble. Sort of scary procedure on that second one (have to be hospitalized) but - I feel great just to know someone actually HAS a plan of attack! Get this figured out and over and done with already!!

Yesterday - a small bomb dropped onto this pleasant little family - plucking along lifes curvy paths. At times, enjoying moments of stopping to smell the roses and endless lazy hours spent searching for four leaf clovers. As well as rushing along like the white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland, "I'm late! I'm late for a very important date! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"
So, it wasn't a bomb. That is not the best definition. More like a fork in the road.
And we have come up to that sign (you know the one...its always right between the two roads) and we begin to read the little arrow shaped, aged wood, signs pointing towards the left...and some pointing to the right. Each one bears some sort of significance of what we could expect to encounter - depending on which way we choose. Sort of like a pros and cons list for each direction.
But, those are all man made signs...human thoughts of what is a pro verses a con. We need something much more powerful than this simple sign.
We need a Divine sign! A sign from God Himself!

It is said in Matt. 6:31-34 "Don't ever worry and say, 'What are we going to eat? or 'What are we going to drink?' or 'What are we going to wear?' Everyone is concerned about these things, and your heavenly Father certainly knows you need all of them. But first, be concerned about His kingdom and what has His approval. Then all these things will be provided for you. So, don't ever worry about tomorrow. After all, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." And that is what this little family desires most...His will for our lives!

So, how do we decide? Well, I opened up to this...very reassuring verse in Romans 8:26, "At the same time the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we don't know how to pray for what we need. But the Spirit intercedes along with our groans that cannot be expressed in words."
And that sums it up for me...so, I rely on Him to intercede along with me...with us...this pleasant little family.

2003-07-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to endure.

Romans 5:3, NLT

I include this verse again...because I need it. I have been offline for a while now due to being ill.
I have had the most intensely excruciating burning pain in my abdomen for nearing on three weeks now. It progressively worsened. I visited the M.D. and recieved a shot in my hip for pain...ouch! That was on June 30th.
But, all this is boring so to make it short and sweet...I spent my 30th birthday in the emergency room, as well as the next day & the day after that at the docs office getting another pain shot. They were treating me for something else...then decided it was an ulcer and got me on a med that has me teetering between 'ok'ness and mediocre pain...which is way way way better than needing to go in to get relief from pain.
I have felt like such a fool because the pain was so intense all I could do was sit and cry and cry and moan. It's so embarrassing to behave that way but, was truly not a choice. And even worse...my families life has been totally absorbed by this. Mikey missing allot of work...the kids spending way too much time in hospitals and Docs offices. My extended family has also been worried sick. Well, thank you to all for your love and your patience! I am terribly sorry for all this!

But, I read wonderful encouraging words this morning from Mr. Pat Robertsons book entitled "Six Steps to Spiritual Revival", about going to God - unceasingly. He explained the parable that Jesus tells in Luke chapter 11 of the persistent neighbor who came in the middle of the night banging on the door to borrow bread. Jesus ends the parable with "I say to you, though he will not rise and give to him because he is his friend, yet because of his persistence he will rise and give him as many as he needs." (Luke 11:8)
It was not the neighbors need, nor was it that neighborly friendship prevailed. It was desperation - importunity - that won the day. The brazen nerve of a neighbor who simply refused to take no for an answer.
The bottom line? He created a tremendous ruckus and ruffled a lot of feathers...but he went home with loaves of bread tucked under each arm. Jesus went on to make this point. He said, literally, "Keep on asking and you will receive. Keep on seeking and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened" (Matthew 7:7-8).
And...I will keep on asking, seeking and knocking...without ceasing because I know He will answer me!
P.S. Turning 30 is quite allright with me! I am enjoying my Big ass tin of Godiva chocolates (thank you hubby!) and my choco chop mint Baskin Robbins ice cream cake with Strawberry Shortcake decorations atop- very, VERY much!!!

2003-06-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us--they help us learn to endure.

Romans 5:3, NLT
I put this on my shout out to Mel also. It is a good reminder for all of us...in our trials...to persevere.
I thank God that Paul and the many other Biblical authors never stifled their writing to portray a certain expected 'image' of theirselves as leaders and Christians. They were free, open, real, raw and much of the things they share are bold in ways we see today as 'rude' or 'judgemental'.
Like Job, for instance...broken, angry, pitiful, sorrowful, righteous. Sometimes - I need to see that the people God loved in those days - were real too. David - a man after God's heart...experienced grief, pain...failed...and succeeded.

I can't even listen to the 'front' of people. I listened all my life to 'the message from the pulpit'. I used to be bitter and angry because of the reality of the failures of those people preaching on the pulpit...not even abiding by the things they preach. But, I realize, it isn't just those preachers...it's those claiming not to be 'preachers', it is those leading TV talk shows, managers of supermarkets, CEO's, street sweepers, Presidents...me.
It seems to me that the minute I spout off about being so 'capable' of this or that...God will reign me in. And I love it! Maybe not at first...but, I am thankful I get 'caught'. Like the time my husband got a speeding ticket (and this is yet another example...I swear this is an area God will just not let slip by for Mikey - the minute he speeds there is a cop inevitably around the corner! And thank God he gives us grace because he doesn't always get a ticket! whew!!) anyways - so - Mike received a small speeding ticket and I thought in my head as I was driving alone the next day (going over the speed limit just a bit) 'My goodness!! Why does that man not watch! I am so good at this! When I deem it necessary to speed I am always and I mean ALWAYS on the lookout!! Checking every mirror! Left and right...rearview!! Watching every blind corner! Freeway entrances!! For a possible cop!!!' and I swear to you...right in the MIDDLE of my arrogant thoughts - I glanced up into the rearview mirror and BAM there was a cop RIGHT stinking ON MY TAIL!!!
I tell ya...God is gracious! I did not get pulled over...but, I am surprised that he didn't pull me over! I began to laugh so hard at the situation that just occurred I HAD to look like a crazy woman! If that is not a 'slap your butt right back into reality' check from God...then I don't know what is!

2003-06-20T10:03:00.000-07:00

Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses . . .
2 Corinthians 12:10

How great a way to show me His power and mercy...for it is in my weakness that I find my strength in God!!

You know...the other day my mother was sharing with me her prayer that day. She is on her vacation, and a mulitude of things went wrong...this put her in such a bad mood that she couldn't even talk. So, she prayed. She said. "God - I don't feel joy right now but, since I know that joy is a gift from You, then I am asking that you would fill me with Your joy. So that I can enjoy this vacation Youv'e given us". And He did.
So, for the last few days (since I spoke to her) the first thing I have done when I woke was to ask Him for that joy in me...and in my family. And it has worked! Even though I have battled a migraine every day...I am filled with His joy!
Depression may be the lurking vulture - waiting patiently somewhere above me...for my guard to be let down...to reach the point where I can no longer fight the fight. But, I now realize...its ok. Yes...I have a weakness...but, guess what - in my weakness I have Superman (Wonder Woman!!) strength in my King! My Daddy! My God!!

2003-06-18T14:16:00.000-07:00

I was very happy to be able to talk to my neice yesterday and today. She is 13 and has such a great personality...very sweet, funny. A charming young lady with an incredible voice. :0) I used to love how my Aunt Mary would gush over Mel and I's little impromptu performances...singing and modeling our latest pajamas (which were usually Dad's old white t-shirts - long like a dress on either of us!). And now, I understand how she felt (and feels still today)!
I remember holding that little tiny baby girl...so beautiful...and being so proud to be her Aunt. I have felt an immediate connection like this, with each of my sisters children.
Knowing that I will forever be a part of their lives...is something I feel is an honor.
One time...a few years back, I was washing dishes in my kitchen when through the window I heard voices of many children. When I glanced up, I saw my neice walking by with her grade school class. She was meandering towards the back of the group. Slowly walking past my house...catching little peeks towards my way but, didn't ever see me. I wondered what she was thinking of me...of everything. I wanted to run out the door and scoop her into my arms and hug and squeeze her. But, instead...I sat on the kitchen floor and sobbed...blowing my nose in the dirty, wet dish towel.
Just reliving the memory is making me cry just as hard.
I cannot express to you how much I thank God for allowing me to be part of her life...and Mels and all the children. I can't put into words how much it means to me. Words are too stale and insignificant to fully impart the emotion that are pouring out of me.
It breaks my heart to know the turmoils they have gone through...but, I know that Gods hand is on each one them.

For Fathers Day...we gave Mikey an awesome electric shaver...coolest one I have ever seen and, of course, a talking Spongebob. We relaxed. We ate Mikeys fave meal (Sloppy Joes and Cheetoes - ug.) We had apple pie (with Spongebob and Patrick and Gary - cake decorations all over it). And we bought a 2003 Durango...leather -- the whole shmole...it is pretty...i like it. He says...it's my Fathers Day gift...but, I know that secretly - he loves it too!

And so I tell my neice about the new rig...her response "you suck". SEE!!! SEE why I love her sooo much!!! ;0) heeheehee!!

2003-06-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord...

Philippians 3:8, NLT

Sometimes I have to remind myself not to forget the very important fact that is pointed out by this verse.

Give Us Daily Awareness

On life's busy thoroughfares
We meet with angels unawares -
So, Father, make us kind and wise
So we may always recognize
The blessings that are ours to take,
The friendships that are ours to make
If we but open our heart's door wide
To let the sunshine of love inside.

Helen Steiner Rice

2003-06-10T15:59:00.000-07:00

A second post today...my oh my!!
Just a side note...in my thoughts today. From readings I encountered...emotional response possibly but, needed to express none the less.

Sometimes I think we see and search so hard that we pass right by what we are looking for. We want 'community' per se...but, I believe that I see that it requires 'levels' still. Acceptance into a clique may be a passe term...but, I still see that horrible aspect to 'church' in places that seem so desperate to seperate themselves from the 'old' ways of the church. I am not trying to be condemning or self righteous in what I say. I am certainly one to fall into this and other miserable attitudes as easily as the next.

I see tight little boxes being placed around 'this' person - "you are now titled 'intellectual' and are now honored to hang out with me and my enormous brain" and "you are now titled 'typical' and can hang out in the outer areas near me and my enormous brain but, will not be accepted into the inner circle. That which is nearest to me and my enormous brain." OK OK...maybe I am being a bit cynical here and should reign myself in. Take a deep breath. Consider the actions and consequences due them.

I just was hoping that people would stray (or even run like hell) from seeking to place themselves above another. Either consciously, or sub-consciously...I have recently experienced the opposite. People blathering on...each one trying to out-do the next with his/her intellectual prowess (sp?).

Consider this...it was the dirty, hard working 'construction guy'...who gave up His life so that we can be free from sin.

It was God, Himself who chose to speak to the multitudes in parables so that they could see, hear, comprehend and take part in His message.

It's like the caterpillar columns...each one desperately seeking to reach the top. Only to find out there is nothing there and that all along...they just needed to climb up any old tree or bush, cocoon themselves for a time and then break free a beautiful butterfly.
There is much to learn from the simple things...the 'simple' people...in life. And if it makes you snarl a lip or roll your eyes to hear that...then I make a very polite suggestion to slow down a bit. Maybe this freeway of life has swept you far beyond the original destination your heart and soul had wanted to strive towards.

2003-06-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

Found this in an old journal...not sure when I wrote it. I think I will title it...

Journey

I'm faced with this question to which there is no end.

I don't know, God...can you help me define who I am?

A cookie cutter, jello mold of a person I'm to be...

But, is this shapeless blob I've turned into the answer of "me"?

"Test the waters!!" ...I've been to too many shores!

"Sow your wild oats!!" ...I'm far beyond that old lure!

I am breaking out of my shell!

But, there's too many broken peices of hell.

I'll tread through them...and live because of Your help.

And I know I will find someone I can call "myself".

Written by: Sheree L. Krause
hmmmmm....

2003-06-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well, when I opened this page to blog today...possibly about 'Bruce Almighty', my son Izzy walked up and asked "Mom, do you know what a tooth egg is?" I said, "You mean a tooth ache." "No", he says, " I mean a tooth EGG...and you don't just have to chew on ice to get a tooth egg...other things can cause a tooth egg too." Then turned around and meandered back to a cartoon. What a CUTIE pie!! If anyone out there doesn't have a kid in their life, son, daughter, nephew, neice or grandbaby...then you are truly missing out on some of the most 'load' lightening laughter that these little ones can bring! Thank you God for all the children in my life!!! What a blessing they are!

About Bruce Almighty...LOVED it!! It brought me to tears...I cried, I laughed...I snorted! This movie has an incredible, real and truth filled message that moved me more than most any 'sermon' I have listened to in a church. And there is no 'reading into it' like we do with other movies. ie Matrix, Lord of the Rings. It point blank quotes the Bible correctly and demonstrates an incredible interaction with God that sunk into my soul! Yes...there were some silly parts...and the whole living together but, not married thing but, that is all part of the lesson as well. Really...this was a terrific movie that I know without a doubt, many a pastor is going to be using clips of in their sermons.

Other then 'date night' - this weekend Mikey and I spent time rearranging the downstairs furniture (love how it looks!) and taking care of our yard. This was hard core labor since the backyards edges were filled with 2-3 foot tall weeds that were dry and dead from our previous weekends spent spraying all the darn things! And we could barely move afterwards! Even the kids pitched in. The boys loaded the heaps of dead weeds that we were hoeing and raking out, into garbage bags. Breena was the water girl, making several trips around the yard with ice cold water - refreshing us one by one.
And it felt so wonderful to stand on the deck, admiring the beauty of all that hard work! Way to go family!! We came, we saw and we kicked some a%$!!!

God bless all of my family (immediate and extended) and friends today!! Amen!

2003-05-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

We are home and life is chugging along...the tune I think I can - I think I can...comes to mind.
Once again...we find ourselves dealing with insane lies about us. Why is it that people choose to enhance stories with ridiculous and insane additions when the truth is damaging enough to spread! It's maddening!!
What I am saying is that YEP - I happen to know that I have PLENTY of mistakes to choose from and yet, in this case, the person chooses to spread a completely false one! And for what benefit? What exactly is going to be accomplished here? If God is for us then who can be against us? I don't fear what damage gossip can do because I have walked through much worse gossip than this and have seen that God reveals truth in His time...which is always perfect...although in my humanness I become weak and believe I must go about redeeming myself.

I admit, at times I have failed and tried to reveal truth on my own...and at other, more gracious times, I have waited on God and watched a miracle bloom right before my eyes. Something so incredible, between timing and events and 'life' itself, that there is no denying that what just happened was Divinely put into motion! So, I will keep this little "incident" between me and my little family circle (who were so unfortunate as to have been dragged into this without their knowledge or permission)...and wait on Gods timing.
Another thing I should add is this...we have choice...which is why I recognize that some problems may never be resolved until we are standing in His presence. And, at that moment, I believe that absolutely none of this will matter in the least bit.

On a much happier note...Mikey was promoted today! Congrats cupcake! You more than deserved this! You worked your tushy off (literally) this year. Thank you God for blessing my hubby just when he needed it most! AMEN! (there's that whole timing thing again! ;))
What is even more amazing is that they are promoting you BEFORE reviews. NOT a common practice on this team at Microsoft...so, it has even more meaning, stud boy! (yeah baby...grrrrrr!! stomp stomp clap! stomp stomp clap! I will...I will...ROCK you!) ;0)

2003-05-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Good morning!
Yesterday...I became 'enveloped' by a new game for our xbox...Jurassic Park. The one that you create your own park and care for the dinos and visitors. It is like SIMS. And I was totally hooked. To the point that when my smallest carnivores kept keeling over due to malnutrition...I actually was upset! haha!! I mean...I FED and FED them...wasting all my money but, they wouldn't eat and I was totally irritated! At a game?!!
So, anyways...(blush ;0))
I haven't a 'real' experience to share on here...only a 'simulated' one. But, my youngest son and I did have fun...deciding what to buy, sell, build and hatch!!
Playing this type of game is like the childhood dream that your Barbies or G.I. Joe guys and the miniature Star Wars figurines would come to life. And you would keep them in your Doll house and feed them and they would live out a life under your loving and watchful eye. Is it not?? Like 'Indian in the Cupboard'. One of my favorite books from my childhood (that and "Where the Red Fern Grows") that is now also a movie.
Quite allot of fun!! Fun fun fun!

2003-05-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

Evanescence Wow! Her voice is so stinking incredible. I am SO stuck on this cd. I listen to it allot recently.
"breath into me and make me real. Bring me to life. Wake me up. Wake me up inside..." "bid my blood to run...before I come undone...save me from the nothing Ive become"
I have felt these words...everytime I hear it it just stirs my soul...deep inside me.
I recently read someones site that was wondering if "christian" music does for 'you' what U2 (or whatever your fave band is) does for you. And I was thinking that, yes...some Christian music stirs my soul...in worship. These songs ('non-Christian')...are they worship? I think in a way they are. A crying out to God. But, in less of the 'fake' religious way that I hear in allot of "christian" music. (Not that their hearts aren't right or that every single artist is 'fake'. These aren't things I would know.) But, in a...hmmm...more like the songs I read in Psalms. Real. Crying out to God about real things...real questions...real fears...real pain.
But, it is not ever blaming God or questioning His existence...but, expressing the emotions felt due to whatever it is they are going through ie; broken relationship, death, fear. At least this is true in the 'non-Christian' music I listen to.
And you know...some Christian artists totally grasp that...but, I think it isn't played on the "Christian" radio as much. Sad...really. It's kind of like the "super-model" image plastered all over the U.S. A false image to strive for... Maybe that is the reason bands like Creed and Evanescence don't run around with the big 'Christian' label plastered on their chests. To avoid that ever impending need the Christian society (I have experienced) seems to have to impress others...with their 'looks', 'brains', and 'brawn'!
What do you think??

2003-05-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

Bonjour ami! I have not blogged in a bit because...well, I just wasn't up to being honest and am not too keen on being 'fake' so...I left it all behind. Now...I think I have enough passion to embrace the written word and not feel as if a peice of me is being drained out of existence due to it.
That may not make sense to you but, then how could I expect the ramblings of the nearly insane to create anything close to being called...understandable. I wrote that as if you would read that sentence and say 'ahhh...now THAT I can identify with'. But, I just don't see that happening...which also plays part in my blogging abstinence. (on a very unnecessary side note...I use WAY too many of these "..." way...WAY...too many! Do these have a 'title'? hmmm....something to research....later...)
Anyways - to sum my week of emotions into one lovely and intellectually compelling word...I have felt...poopy. Like it? Yeah me too! Been using that one since I was three...don't tell anyone.
Poopy...yes that is it. No that is not it. It has felt more like an intense spiritual battle that is way beyond me. I have toiled with my 'down-hearted' emotions...to no avail. Still today I find myself crying out to God to fill me with His joy. I have this battle for no particular reason. Everything about me is the same if not better and yet I battle depression. God forgive me for being so completely selfish and help me to change my ignorant ways!
I can define part of my emotion but, find it difficult to para-phrase. I will be 30 in just a couple of months. My baby is five years old. There is like a 'mini' empty nest feeling going on in me. Yes...to you that may sound absolutely silly but, not to me. I have LOVED being a mommy. Please dont take me wrong...I'm not one of those 'everything is perfect and wonderful in motherhood' fakey women...I have had my definite down days in this journey. But, truly...I have loved being my childrens mother and my husbands wife. And now...now my youngest is going to be gone in school as well...and I feel like a peice of me has to be laid to rest. (Maybe that is too dreary of words to describe what I am trying to say but...I can't really think of any other way to describe it at this moment.) and another blank peice of me has to be defined...and then built upon and I don't know where in the hell to start. And it feels like back in my childhood days...when I would clean my entire room - not to very good standards - which my mother would quickly take note of and promptly tear out the entire contents of my closet, under my bed (which undoubtedly was stuffed with crap!) and dump every drawer out into one HUGE (and I do mean HUGE - Mel you can testify to that!) pile in the middle of my room. And I walk into the room that I had left..."clean" and see this damn huge pile and like a tidal wave rushing to barrel me down...I feel completely over-whelmed! Not knowing even the first place to begin!
THAT is how I feel ladies and gentlemen...THAT is how I feel.
Now...where to start?? Where to fricking start?? And now...the decisions bear so much more weight than "lets see...do I start with seperating out clothes and toys or dirty clothes and clean clothes or puzzle peices and barbies...or do I start with seperating out the shoes and lining them up in the empty closet first?". Yes...now I am an adult...a mommy and wife....and maybe - just maybe - there is where my problem lies. I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want to fail them. I don't want to make any rash decisions...I don't want to cause havoc...I don't want to be a miserable failure that doesn't give my children an example to strive for or my husband what Proverbs decribes!! "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:10-12
Babe - (and others) I am NOT fishing here...so - Mikey- keep all reassuring comments private please (since I know you will do that...as you always do because you are a sweetheart and somehow always find the ability to be gracious to me...how do you do that?? Don't answer that!! :0)
So - I toil night and day.
And believe it or not...this is just the tip of the iceberg. ...bummer.
God...fill me with your sound wisdom...please God...I beg you for Your wisdom...and a sound mind! ;0) Thank You for Your grace on my life! AMEN!

2003-05-08T08:43:00.000-07:00

Good day everyone!
I was just going to say Happy Mothers Day to all mothers! I know it's not quite here but, my weekend will be busy and I didn't want to forget!

2003-05-02T10:25:00.000-07:00

I want to Blog on the show my sister and I recently watched on PBS called The Manor House. It was a huge mansion in England that hired these 'volunteers' to come in and act, no not act but, live out the roles of various 'people' from the Edwardian period...around 1905. The Man and Lady of the house and all the necessary servants needed to run a mansion or manor of this size. (Which, as I said was HUGE!) You can visit the website here...The Manor House to find out more details.
I wanted to blog because I was truly amazed by the reactions of the people leaving…were you? Although they 'wanted' to enjoy returning to normal life…it seemed to me that they kind of were 'lost' or felt like now they had no purpose. I mean…the rich lady…they assumed she would hate not having her "Dr." title and yet she had NO problem at all with her role in the house and no problem with not being a Doctor, in fact, actually enjoyed not 'having' to go to work. This is, for obvious reasons (since she was living a life of luxury - still with very strict rules and bounderies but, very very luxurious!), easier to swallow. But, the servants.
The servants, on the most part, either seemed distraught at leaving…or unaffected. I expected there to be more…relief and celebration! But, the young ones…the lowest ranking servants who wound up 'falling in love' or 'bed' really…well, they enjoyed the 'fun' of it all and seemed unaffected by leaving. Yet...the work they did from before sunrise until long after dark was hideous (chamber pots! EW!) and absolutely exhausting!
One of the other maids…who worked the same hours and extremely hard…actually seemed panicky about going back to her old life. Having all those 'people running around me all the time' was her comment. And she went back to her little room, back in her 2003 attire, and laid on her (what looked to be a very uncomfortable) flat bed in the tiny maids quarters. Nervously shaking her legs and seeming really disturbed by the fact that she had to leave.
I honestly think…they felt security in having the work to do and maybe in the 'family' like atmosphere that evolved in the 'downstairs'. Maybe this world of 'freedom' we have created really isn't freedom at all. I mean, I feel an immediate "glad I'm not one of those maids in that time period" even when saying this but, I watched these people go from, in the beginning, absolute disgust at the hierarchy and intense work schedule and strenuous labor to laughing it up…feeling pride in their work, and then (the ultimate surprise to me) feeling nostalgic about leaving…or even depressed, sad and misplaced!!
I mean…I recognize that there would be a psychological shifting going on…but, I didn't believe it would ever make them feel that way. Well, not the servants at least!
And now…I am seeing a link here. Jesus was a servant. We are to be servants. He is first shall be last…he who is last shall be first in the Kingdom of God. (Not a full and accurate quote but, you get the gist!)
So…there IS security, joy and fulfillment in being a servant. Maybe something we can't exactly understand. Or maybe something that (diabolical) pride in us doesn't want to admit! Which is not a good thing!
Anyways - I'm rambling…it just really struck something in me. Tell me what you think though. Curious, am I, to hear if this struck anyone else (Melody) as it has me!

2003-05-01T10:15:00.000-07:00

I am going to type out a little excerpt from C.S. Lewis's "Mere Christianity" because this passage still amazes me. It amazes me because it is truth and because he said all this on a radio address in 1943!!
The Great Sin
"Today I come to that part of Christian morals where they differ most sharply from all other morals. There is one vice of which no man in the world is free; and of which hardly any people, except Christians, ever imagine that they are guilty themselves. I have heard people admit that they are bad-tempered, or that they cannot keep their heads about girls or drink, or even that they are cowards. I don't think I have ever heard anyone who was not a Christian accuse himself of this vice. And at the same time I have very seldom met anyone, who was not a Christian, who showed the slightest mercy to it in others. There is no fault which makes a man more unpopular, and no fault which we are more unconscious of in ourselves. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others."
"The vice I am talking of is pride or self-conceit: and the virtue opposite to it, in Christian morals, is humility.You may remember, when I was talking about sexual morality, I warned you that the centre of Christan morals did not lie there. Well, now, we have come to the centre.According to Christan teachers, the essential vice, the utmost evil, is pride. Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkeness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through pride that devil became the devil: it is the complete anti-God state of mind."
"... Now what you want to get clear is that pride is essentially competitive - is competitive by its very nature- while the other natures are competitive only, so to speak, by accident.Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.
As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and , of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you."
"That raises a terrible question. How is it that people who are quite obviously eaten up with pride can say they believe in God and appear to themselves very religious? I am afraid it means they are worshipping an imaginary God. They theoretically admit themselves to be nothing in the presence of this phantom God, but are really all the time imagining how He approves of them and thinks them far better than ordinary people: that is, they pay a pennyworth of imaginary humility to Him and get out of it a pound's worth of pride towards their fellow-men. I suppose it was of those people Christ was thinking when He said that some would preach about Him and cast out devils in His name, only to be told at the end of the world that He had never known them. And any of us may at any moment be in this death-trap."
"Luckily we have a test. Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good - above all, that we are better than someone else-I think that we may be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil. The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether."
"It is terrible that the worst of all the vices can smuggle itself into the very centre of our religious life.But you can see why. The other, and less bad, vices come from the devil working on us through our animal nature. But, this does not come through our animal nature at all. It comes direct from Hell. It is purely spiritual: consequently it is far more subtle and deadly."...
"For pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense."
"Now before leaving the subject I must guard against some possible misunderstandings:
Pleasure in being praised is not pride. The child who is patted on the back for doing a lesson well, the woman whose beauty is praised by her lover, the saved soul to whom Christ says "Well done," are pleased and ought to be. For here the pleasure lies not in what you are but in the fact that you have pleased someone you wanted (and rightly wanted) to please.The trouble begins when you pass from thinking, "I have pleased him; all is well" to thinking, "What a fine person I must be to have done it." The more you delight in yourself and the less you delight in the praise, the worse you are becoming. When you delight wholly in yourself and do not care about the praise at all, you have reached the bottom. That is why vanity, though it is the sort of pride which shows most on the surface, is really the least bad and most pardonable sort. The vain person wants praise, applause, admiration, too much and is always angling for it. It is a fault, but a childlike and even (in an odd way) a humble fault.
It shows that you are not yet completely contented with your own admiration. You value other people enough to want them to look at you. You are, in fact, still human. The real black, diabolical pride come when you look down on others so much that you do not care what they think of you. Of course, it is very right, and often our duty, not to care waht people think of us, if we do so for the right reason; namely, because we care so incomparably more what God thinks. But the proud man has a different reason for not caring. He says "Why should I care for the applause of that rabble as if their opinion were worth anything? And even if their opinions were of value, am I the sort of man to blush with pleasure at a compliment like some chit of a girl at her first dance? No, I am an integrated, adult personality. All I have done has been done to satisfy my own ideals-or my artistic conscience-or the tradition of my family-or, in a word, because I'm That Kind of Chap. If the mob like it, let them. They're nothing to me".
In this way real thoroughgoing pride may act as a check on vanity; for, as I said a moment ago, the devil loves "curing" a small fault by giving you a great one. We must try not to be vain, but we must never call in our pride to cure our vanity; better the frying pan than the fire."

He goes on to explain 'proud of our son' as, in the english sense of the word here meaning "has a warm-hearted admiration for." Such an admiration is, of course, very far from being a sin."
And I know that this is very long...so I will skip to the last paragraph of this section...summing it up.
"Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call 'humble' nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody.
Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all."
"If anyone would like to acquire humility, I can, I think, tell him the first step. The first step is to realize that one is proud. And a biggish step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed."

Ouch! God, please forgive me for being prideful...and vain! Also help me to not fall into the "I am nobody" phase of false 'humility'. God, I don't think I can even say I have ever known true humility. Because I have always thought that to be humble you HAD to always admit you are 'nobody'. I want to be in that place C.S. Lewis talks of, where I don't 'think' of myself at all! And to have the relief and comfort that getting rid of "the false self, with all its "Look at me" and "Aren't I a good boy" (well, girl in my case!) and all its posing and posturing" can give me! To have that, as Lewis says, "a cold drink of water to a man in a desert." Amen!

2003-04-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

We rented The Four Feathers and watched it last night. Amazing movie. Loved it. It spoke to me in volumes...about courage, integrity, honor and the journey to discover who 'you' are and who you want to be.
And then I opened this little devotional that is emailed to me daily and this was it...

"You will be protected and will rest in safety. You will lie down unafraid, and many will look to you for help. "
Job 11:18-19 NLT

About this week's Promise:

Courage is the ability to act on what we know is right and good, to dare to do what we should or must. Fear parlyzes; courage is what helps us move ahead. Courage does not conquer fear, it simply renders fear ineff

I have no doubt these common themes are not accidental or coincidental...but Divinely inspired!
I absolutely love this definition of courage!
I read Mr. Kecks blog about his daughters soccer ball game and loved the honest brokennes he is so courageous to reveal. He reminds me, greatly, of my husband...who on numerous occasions, has been a wonderful example of humility for me.
I was so moved by the friendship between him and Mark. It is not so easy a feat to accept criticism from...anyone. Even if it is constructive! I loved it! And longed for friends like this for me and for Mike. I have that freedom and trusting relationship with my Mother and sis, and with Mike...although, I tell ya what...there are times when the rebelliousness rises in me like sulferous vomit rising up your throat...demanding to be spewn. And, at times...I have failed. Just the other night in fact.
I was dealing with my children about something...I can't remember what right now...but, the point is there were very angry under tones in my 'dealings' with them and Mike pointed this out to me. I was so stinking angry at him. And later he apologized...partly because he had said this in front of the children (which we both have agreed that we should do these things privately) but, partly because he felt bad for making me feel so angry with him. And when he was apologizing I felt this cramp in my chest. What an incredible man...that he would come and feel honestly sorry...when in all actuality, he was merely speaking truth. Truth that I needed to hear...and really, I want to hear because I know how imperfect I am.
But, I was still feeling angry...and I thought...OK here is my chance. I can either choose to stay and 'soak' in this hot tub of lava (ie; resentful anger) or I can admit my own mistakes and mend the situation. When I write that out it seems the choice would be obvious and simple but, I tell ya it was really difficult to force myself to think 'sanely'. I must say that Michaels heart is clearly what makes it so easy for me to decide to do what is right (not that I always have or do) and this time...his kindness melted me like butter on a hot plate! I said..."You know what Mike...had I not been failing, then there would have been no need for you to say anything at all."
And Michael is always a gracious forgiver. I admire that in him. He is always quick to forgive and hope for the best. I, on the other hand, have to fight off skeptism any time someone apologizes. This is clearly stemmed from my childhood and having recognized that I take into account the verse in Corinthians "When I was a child, I thought like a child". You know...there comes a time in ones life when you choose to stop blaming your current 'uglies' on your pasts' ugliness. I am a firm believer in this...since in past years (before I married my husband) I actually felt justified in claiming some sort of exception for my ignorance. Maybe justified is a good word to describe the feeling....justified my poor behaviour because of a tumultuous rearing (as if not every one of us can find some reason to justify ourselves. I like to say every one has their 'story'!
Anyways - I highly recommend this movie to anyone and everyone!
Courage is the ability to act on what we know is right and good, to dare to do what we should or must. Fear parlyzes; courage is what helps us move ahead. Courage does not conquer fear, it simply renders fear ineff
Thank you Lord for always speaking to my heart and loving me (discipline is love!). Forgive me for failing in so many ways and help me to be courageous! Bless my family today! Amen!

2003-04-26T17:31:00.000-07:00

Well...later that evening Izzys eyes swelled up. One nearly completely shut! But, all is ok! He is being treated with antibiotic eyedrops and the swelling has gone down.

YEAH!

2003-04-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

Ok...decided to Blog twice today.
Wonder boy was running 104.2 today...very scary. Mikey boys nose looks like the golden gate bridge...color and all...just add a greasy, vaseline like shine to it! Staph infection! ALSO...very scary. According to the over 15 medical web sites I visited and scouraged today...a man his age should not be so susceptible to this type of infection...means you have a low immune system. Children and elderly...more normal...guy in his thirties...not so great!
My Mommys sick...I had nightmares last night because we watched (of ALL things!) Harry Potters new movie...not a good idea! That thing was SCARY and way more violent then I expected! SHEESH! Kids movie my ass!
And to top it all off...my stinking throat is hurting again! For the sake of PETE! This is absolutely gosh danged ridiculous!!! Don't ya think???
So...ya know...I just don't know.
Actually, considering it all...the house seems very peaceful right now. The kids are watching Arnolds movie...Mikes...lets see...working of course! DUH! Me...sitting my cottage cheese butt down at the computer laughing at my own dang jokes (ie the poem I wrote for my neice Alyssa...very funny. But, I don't have the results in yet. The 'polls' are still out! Was hoping she had popped in an email to me...letting me know her opinion. No such luck.).
So, considering all THAT...hey...life ain't too bad!
I did just go up to my room and cry by myself. I just get all scared thinking about the little ones high fever and my hubbys sort of scary, big ass nose...but, I do feel better now. Just getting it all off my chest. Pulling things into perspective...getting a grasp on reality. No one is going to die (thank you God for Ibuprofrin and Cephalexin!)...we're all pretty relaxed. Sun is setting...making the room swell up with bright yellow light. Mikeys peacefully tapping away on his laptop - black XBox ski-hat thingy on his head...backwards. Kids are quiet with sparatic sweet giggles drifting my way. God is good to us!
Thanks for letting me shpill out my emotional guts to ya!
Thank you Lord for Your peace that definitely passes all my understanding! AMEN!

2003-04-25T10:00:00.000-07:00

Good day to ya!!
I havn't much to say today. I am glad that it is Friday! No news regarding the application put in by Mike...yet. Mel seems to think no news is good news. So...we shall see! The kids had a blast at Microsoft yesterday...with their Daddy. National take your sons and daughters to work day was filled with activites. I think Mikes heart is probably a bit sad - thinking of Bek and Josh - and the things they are missing out on...and we are missing out on too! But, we know that is also all in His hands! God knows the desires of our hearts...and I know He hears and wants us to be happy.
My house is messy - there is laundry needing to be washed. Laundry needing to be put away. And laundry needing to be brought to the wash room. My life consists mainly of doing laundry...or not!
Melody gave me her "D" germs via email...and it worked! I have spent the last hour and a half acquainting myself with the porcelain throne. Lovely thought.
But, the sky is bright, blue and sunny with giant white Simpsons cartoon type clouds! And that is a plus!
"Holy Light of the world...Fill up my soul!" Bebo Normans song comes to mind (he was on the 700 club this morning).
Well, boy wonder would like a bath...so, I will end this and go draw him one. (I like saying 'draw a bath' It satisfies me for some reason)
I love you all! God bless the fam today with Love, Joy, Peace and ALL the fruits of the Spirit! AMEN!

2003-04-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Hello to my cult following of four! I am sorry to say, Mel, but I lost my train of thought (and time!) so I don't know what I was going to Blogg before. Maybe it will come to my as I do this one.
Lets see here. As an update...the fleece is still out there. Havn't an answer of whether or not the dew was atop or under. But, waiting patiently. I usually severely HATE the 'limbo' thing but, for some reason I don't this time. It's kind of fun! Like the day before you go to Disneyland fun! Something to look forward to. Because - whether or not God says yes or no to this...I am happy and excited because it confirms that we are in His hands. And then you wonder...well, if both answers say your in His hands...what exactly can be said to say that you are not in His hands. And the answer is (drum roll please) absolutely nothing can be done to remove me from Gods hands except by me...making that choice to step out of His grace. And I choose Him!! And His will over mine.
So...anyways.
...
...
...(that is how Melody and I signify those awkward silent moments while typing back and forth on the messenger buddy thingy. Although they aren't awkward with us. Nothing to say...just hangin' out together on the 'puter!)
It is a gray, drizzly day here. But, rather beautiful. The earth is glossy and shining a bit with drops of crystal clear rain hanging from leaves and the edges of the outdoor furniture. The grasses are turning a bright vivid green and the trees have soft pink blossoms bursting from the top branches. I really love the Spring.
I will have to go read Mels Blog again to try and remember what my thoughts were.
I better bounce (to copy my neice Alyssa and her wanna be mom! hahah JK!)
It is too hard to concentrate on this with Dextors Laboratory playing in the background...Izzys watching the tube! (which really isn't a 'tube' anymore since this television is not made with tubes at all! but, you get the jist of it!)
God bless my family today! Thank you for keeping us in Your hands!
AMEN!

2003-04-22T22:53:00.000-07:00

OK - so, as Mel pointed out...we don't have much of a following...YET! But, if Mikey keeps up his half-naked roof chanting...hey - who knows?! We just may be needing to look up real estate in Northern Idaho!
Speaking about looking up real estate in Idaho (like how I pulled off a morning news show lead into the next subject?) we just might be. Lord willing. And I don't say that teasingly...is that a word? I mean the Lord willing thang. Listen up...my following of four...(which sadly enough includes myself) we have taken a step...sort of a tossing really. A tossing of a fleece. We had some - 'strange' bumping into's (another time to question whether or not I am using real words...but, why care since my following consists of only close family members...besides one meadow guy on Mike and Mels but, since his shout outs don't make sense...we can't count him.) anyways...I will make a long story short since Aunt Mary is the only one who doesn't know it...this and that happened and led to Mikey putting a resume in for a job in...yes...you guessed it...Boise, ID. We haven't lived there in over four years but, have always felt it was still 'home'. Now...Mike and I see that sometimes God puts things out there...'things' that seem wonderful...just to say No to ya for reasons you don't always understand. And we know that this may be one of those times. You know...He (meaning the REAL One and Only God we follow) may just want to make sure we know and trust He is in complete control...and learn how to take No for an answer. But, He also...really might be opening another door in our lives. It is truly frightening. And exciting too.
So...we will wait on His answer...and I truly do trust Him. Many times I have over stepped His direction in my life decisions...and always discovered how foolish it is to do that. I love it when He plops these kind before you. It's like...if the door opens...and it has to open in just the way He put it on your heart it would..then you have no doubt it was Him and ALL Him...and if it doesn't do that...then again...you know it was Him. And that is a great place to be. I wouldn't want it any other way!
Now...that is not to say that if the door is closed I won't have to fight a slight depression because I won't be moving closer to my Mom and Sis. I will. But, dealing with those emotions is just part of life. I have found that if we are always thinking the grass is greener somewhere else...or 'if I just had THAT kind of grass on MY hill' or 'if I could just be on the same hill as they are' ...then we will never truly be happy...ever. We truly do need to find the happy parts of where God has us...and as this family clan of mine has seen many many times...sometimes that is very hard to do. But, we do it.
And I think that is maybe one 'healthy' lesson I can pull from my childhood...when the sh*%! hits the fan...make each other laugh.
So, family...fellow followers of Blogghood...I am putting out the call now...if this door is shut - be ready to pull out your best fart and knock knock jokes...because, although I fully trust God for the timing of this...I will truly be sad for a bit. It's just what road I will have to travel.
And...say God opens this door. I will be way excited and way scared too. Because God has really done some amazingly neat things for us here in our 'home away from home'. And I am VERY thankful for all He has done. We have a beautiful home and incredible job (not that it doesn't have some pit falls but, come on..every job does...find the happy parts...find the happy parts! ) and most importantly we have eachother. And it has been good for us to be in a place where...we're it! Mikey me and our kids! And I tell ya what...we have made some great memories hanging out together!
I am so glad that I don't need to 'impress' anyone...because I just read this...and I really sound...unintelligent at times. Oh well.
Love you all! Miss you!
Keep the whole fleece thing of ours in your prayers tonight! It will be much appreciated! ;0)
God...I know You've got our backs! Thank you! For everything I know I don't deserve. And Bless my family (fellowship of Blogghood) tonight! AMEN!

2003-04-16T18:25:00.000-07:00

Hey family...be sure to HOVER over your link but, don't click right away.

2003-04-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

I am testing my site since...I am having difficulties obtaining access to...it.

2003-04-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

Wella Wella Wella..remember these? Hella cool! That is sooo rad!! And Glass Tiger...The Bangles. ...hmmm. Yeah...me too.

2003-04-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon. Since I told Mel to blog...I thought I better put something on here. I think this "blogging" is neat but, I also sometimes feel that we humans tend to prattle on and on...uselessly. Hoping to fill a void...or validate our existence and for other reasons. I recognize some reasons are good and necessary as well. I love the Proverb "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt." I take this Proverb to heart. Although too many times I have done that very thing.
You know...I think I will just express how very thankful I am for the things that God does for me and my family. I know that I have failed Him...I have turned my back on Him (at various times in my life) and that my heart has been wretched...and yet He still pours out His grace on me. His Mercy and His incredible love!
Amazing! Thank you Lord for giving me grace that I do not deserve. And thank you for Your love and protection over all of us!
AMEN!

2003-04-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

James 1
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. 7For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

I feel like the wave right now...not always but, for the moment. I simply must change this.

2003-04-05T12:38:00.000-08:00

I have had some very profound dreams this last week. My husband had a great 'analyzation' of them that hadn't even occured to me that I will share later. Okay - the first one I have had three nights in a row. I am in a house - leading someone from room to room - holding this unidentified persons hand (who I sort of feel like is me! Strangely enough). I come to a door to go out on a upper deck/path that goes around the second story perimeter. I know where I need to go to get to the next door along this decks path but, when I step outside everything turns pitch black. I can't even see my own hand. The person I am leading becomes extremely frightened and I comfort the person by saying ' it's okay. I know which way to go" And yet inside I am feeling a bit scared too but, I can totally picture the path in my minds eye. So, I keep moving along, around a corner (still completely dark) I know the door is right in front of me. I am holding the person with one hand - guiding her along - and reaching forward with the other hand - in search of the door. I feel like I have reached the point where I should bump into the door but, it's not there yet. Still comforting the person, but feeling a little panicky...I keep going forward and then I wake.
Mikes first response to the dream was "Well, that is what hope and faith are, isn't it? The hope is having a glimpse of what is ahead and the faith is the act of moving forward towards it...even though it cannot be seen" I like this analogy. Who wouldn't? Now...is it me I am leading around? Since I am about to be thirty - I keep having this weird 'seperate from myself' feeling. Not an out of body experience...but, more like...wow...I am turning 30. Who is me? And where am I going and where do I want to end up. All this is not about an indecisiveness about being a Christian but, more about 'career' 'being a mom' 'being a wife - a sister - a friend - a daughter'. Who am I? So, maybe...the feeling that it is me I am leading is truly significant with the thoughts I have encountered lately.
The other is very long winded but, to make it short...I am on a family trip with my mom, step dad and sister. We have to go up an extremely steep hill with like five car lanes. Mel takes a ride with a boyfriend or friend in a car. Parents take Alpacas (I think that has to do with seeing those "I love Alpacas" commercials lately. Alpacas are Llamas...or at least look just like them). I opt to...or have to since I can't find my Alpaca...run up this large steep hill.
There is a gymnastics type mat going up the hill inbetween the other cars. It is scary and so steep that at points I have to pull myself up by grasping the edges of the mat. People stare at me like I am crazy. I make it to top and feel great! Accomplished! Mel is not there. The parents are having light hearted conversation with an older nice gentelman.
I see a lookout way high up another part of hill. Only way up is one of those big ole parachute looking bags that people jump onto to get out of airplanes or stunt jump off a building. But, it is hanging sideways down the edge...I have to climb this thing to get there. I do it. Very very tough. The people at top are very very sweet and help me up the last bit and are just SO kind. Then...we are so high up I hit the floor in fear and stay far from the outlook windows.
Old wise looking man sitting on the floor says to me 'you can't not look out there now! You made it all the way up here! Go on...take a peek at least!" He is right, I feel, so I creep on my belly over to the window and, keeping all fours on ground, peek over edge of window at the astounding view. It is thousands and thousands of agricultural fields. One has words on it that say "I will grade you well". I think in my mind...huh...the farmer must be married to a teacher.
Then I crawl back to the wise old man and he talks about feeding this bird creature that is living up there. And I think in my mind...how do I get down? I can't climb back down that fluffy thing...and then I think "Oh, dear God...please don't tell me I have to take an elevator down!" I hate elevators...major fear of being closed in. Stupid I know. Anyways...Mike says "I will grade you well" means a field that is being graded...or "prepared" to be seeded. Maybe...God is preparing you...well! I think...DUH! Wow...I felt like God was talking to me in my dream and I was totally missing the point! How frustrating for Him! And Mike has some other analogies but, this is getting long winded so, I will sign off for now. One last request...analyze this! Look forward to reading your analogies!

2003-04-05T12:04:00.000-08:00

Okee dokee...this was what I wrote to you, Melody, about your blogs...didn't feel like making it fit on your shout out thingy ma bob!
Hi there sis'! ROCKIN' theme song!:D And it doesn't seem vengeful to me in the least. I think there are too many times where people of just speaking the truth but, because it is so real...dealing with real God given emotions...people want to tag it as vengeful or judgemental or just plain rude.
Our greatest example was shunned for speaking the truth and for exhibiting righteous anger. Granted...I don't have the 'be angry yet do not sin' thing nailed yet but, I know that I recognize when I fail and I actually learn something from it. So that hopefully I don't make the same mistake twice...and how to reign in the correct response to pain, fear and anger. Getting better with time and with speaking about it...being forthright and honest about ourselves is such a challenge in the world today. AND - your so right about the 'don't care' 'do care' about "man's" response. There is a quarky balance we have to adhere to. To live by. I read all your blogs (hadn't looked in a while so I had to catch up) and I am truly impressed with your raw and real emotions. There is much wisdom to be found in this crazy chick of a sister I have...that may not make sense to everyone but, when you grow up with someone sometimes you forget to recognize just THAT...were growing up! I love you and am very proud of you my big sista!

2003-02-26T15:34:00.000-08:00

How many times in my life have I been flabbergasted by my inadequacies? Countless. How many times in my life have I been absolutely astonished by His grace on my life? Countless. Not meaning to sound like a credit card commercial but, these are the thoughts I am posed with when considering posting my thoughts on Blog. My sister, Melody, made reference to people reading her journal after she dies and how many people it might offend...if they read only one page. And I understand her train of thought. Do I want to publicly post a failure on my part? But, then...yes, I do. For how else can we be held accountable if not by revealing our hearts. CONFESS our sins and THEN they will be forgiven. ...well, my thoughts are being interrupted by my dear sweet little ones...and a severe migraine...so farewell!

2003-02-26T15:18:00.000-08:00

Well...having just been introduced to this site by my big sister...I think I wll just do a test blurb first.